About the Book
Read Everything I write, poor spelling, Grammar and all with a Fine English Accent. (Oxford or Better). If Book is covered in plastic, (and this is all important), PLEASE remove slowly to prevent B.S. from falling out. To achieve optimum results, read with the Blues playing softly in the background. For better results, you may decide to simply pretend to enjoy the story inside regardless to how bad. For even better results, perhaps read while drunk or really happy about something. If you are in any degree acquainted with a hypnotist, it may be wise to invite he or she to stand close by, in the instance you find convincing yourself as well as others that this book was well worth your hard earned cash a bit difficult and you require a refund. By the way, I have a garage full of these so by all means, keep it. Right, with that being said, you are now ready to begin. Confidentially, none of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, there are no innocent. You may now open the book.... ENJOY. Oh, Yea, DO NOT FORGET YOUR ACCENT. Toinen
About the Author: Genius?, Scholar?, Honorary Vicar, or Madman. A Mother. (2) Children, their births stem (9) years from one another. A Grandmother. Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker. A Seven in One Stroke. FINNISH. 9th born of (10) children. An English O level, often ignored. Born Thursday, November 27, 1969. A Thanksgiving Day to be exact. Aboard a family owned, Liar Jet. Somewhere betweenTrollhättan and Geneva. Speaker of (9) languages. Never speaking a word, nor setting foot upon (US) shores before the age of (9). Why will you not speak, asked her Mother on her 9th Birthday. Her answer? Human Beings are complete, utter Idiots. She was Immediately spanked and sent off. ''I Professed to know very little, knowing nearly all before such an age'', she now says, interrupting (us). Me, as always. Her accent, HIDDEN. ''I wish to speak as an American'', she says. With the year rounding to 1980 who would listen to a NOT to (8) year old, or any child. Gibberish, they would have said. Now off to your room. If I speak, You shall learn something from it or I keep well buttoned. Upon conversation with me, speak properly, be kind. Teach me something or you have lost me. My intention is to educate my reader, without taking him to school''. Spending countless years between Geneva and Sveden. ''Having been Born Sky, or there -in, One never really feels at home anywhere'', she said. Now, as we except everywhere and London as home base. Have recently returned to the (US). The Midwest, of all places. In search of Hope, Sanctuary, Peace, and that Monet Original, hanging silently in the Detroit Institute of Arts, displaying her Favorite flower of the same name, Gladiolus. ''That I shall one day Own'', she said. An Extreme Clairvoyant. Greek Historian. Viticulturist. '' I drink non but Left Bank'', she now says, smiling stupidly, as she dangles an empty Red Wine goblet from her right pinky. A Paranoid. And one of the most wide opened relationship with the Dearly Departed than the Forbidden Book of a similar name. ''My Parents are born (9) years from one another'', she says. Daddy being the eldest. A constant struggle, my phobias. (40) or more. ''They hinder me'', she said. There being no proper care outside the walls of Switzerland, my struggle persists, as I travel this Globe. As I recall Scientist near the Swiss Alps ponder to explain how one living being could ultimately find any possible use for 90% of the brain's power, all of the conscience hours in one day.
