Everyone in the world has felt pain, whether it be from heartbreak, rejection, punishment, or loss. Everyone feels pain. Imagine your closest friend, the one person you always rely on, trying to kill you. Once you realize that's what Ana is, it shocks you.
As naive as I was at the beginning, I see the truth now, and I'm trying to shed light on it so that others can see it too. My mother always tells me to envision a white light coving me when I'm scared. For a year, I ignored this light, and I let the darkness consume me. I believed it was my friend because everyone else had left or betrayed me in some way before. I trusted nobody. They had all caused me pain. I read somewhere that the reason so many people long for this darkness is that when the light goes away, even your shadow leaves you. One of my biggest fears is people leaving because I'm not good enough or pretty enough or up to their standards. This may be a reason I tried to change in the first place-for another reason for people to like me. Much later, I realized that many people leave you regardless, and the only person that is not temporary in your life is you.
I wrote this book so you know that you are not alone. I still find comfort in that darkness, and you can too. Something that has never left me is words. These are mine. Even though so many people now don't have a voice, I am trying to speak up because, for so many years, I couldn't. I was shunned by society and by the people around me. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out, just silence. For a long time, I've been trapped in my silence. This is why I'm always speaking, so people don't get bored. I'm here to break that silence because we all have voices and opinions and things to say. The world is as you see it. Events are as you take them, and life is as you make of it. Live your life and feel what you feel. Don't think you can't be sad. You can. I don't like it when people tell me to "be happy." It's not always possible. Worry, cry, laugh, love, and, most importantly, live.
