I was born with congenital adrenal hyperplasia, one of over 60 different Disorders of Sex Development that can cause a newborn to be born with ambiguous genitalia and be considered intersex (called a hermaphrodite at the time). Since no one knew if I was a boy or a girl, I was named after my father and was raised as a boy. I felt like a girl from as early as I could remember, and as I grew older, I was compelled to become one.
In this coming-of-age story, I recollect growing up sensing that I was different and coming to terms with knowing that I wasn't the "boy" everyone thought I was. As early as the age of six, I knew I would someday be a woman, which gave me great hope.
As a child, I always knew I was different, but I had no way to express my feelings verbally. As a result, I internalized a great deal of shame from wanting to be a girl. I write about the confusion and wisdom of my inner voice and the struggle to be faithful to who I was. In my adolescence, I became concerned about what becoming a female would do to my relationships with my family and friends. The sexual, physical, and verbal abuse I experienced also created drama and conflict in my life.
At the end of high school, at a chance encounter in my pediatrician's office, I discovered I was intersex. While in nursing school, I learned more about my medical diagnosis and what that meant for me specifically. As I worked through school, I experienced romantic feelings for men that weren't reciprocated.
When I was 20, I fell in love with a young man and thought the feelings were mutual. This made me want to speed up the process of becoming a woman, so I approached a team of physicians to get approval for hormone therapy and surgery. Unfortunately, after months of counseling and going before a board of psychiatrists to get their permission for surgery, I was turned down. Heartbroken, I returned to school, and the relationship with the man ended.
After college, I began the process (again) of counseling to get permission from the medical establishment (physicians) to become a woman. This time, I was granted permission to begin hormonal treatment and live as a female.
My transition to womanhood was not smooth. I hurt the people I loved the most, was fired from a job, and was discriminated against in the workplace. I also experienced unrequited love again. Despite these challenges, I finally had the surgery I wanted to be female. Today, I am a mother and a nurse practitioner and have the life that I always wanted.