Although many Veterans discovered that picking up from where we left off ptior to being deployed was not easy, neither was it reality; for many, our reality was that our families, loved-ones and places of employment had gone on without us. Nevertheless, they were not solely to blame, yet many of us were not ready to accept the reality, either. I know I sure wasn't. I couldn't accept that my daughter whom I left at fourteen years old and wearing braces and braids was now sixteen and wearing makeup and dating. I couldn't accept that my son whom was eighteen when I was deployed was now a young man at twenty and in college. I still wanted to be mother, yet I felt that I was robbed of my place and responsibility as being mother, because I was absent for almost two years of deployment and two years of their lives. Since my return home and release from active duty status, I tried to pick up from where I left off prior to being deployed to Iraq, but it was difficult. Something was different. I was different and everything and everyone around me appeared different. I tried to shake this feeling and to believe that it was only in my mind, but it was real. I began to ask myself "where do I go from here?" I felt lost and very confused. Although I was home and on civilian soil, day in and day out it was difficult to drive on the roads. I felt myself becoming more irritated and easily agitated with other motorist who would either drive too slow or were driving too close to me. I even began to have road rage. Had I lost my mind over in Iraq? More and more it was becoming difficult to drive and moreover I found myself driving around pot holes in the freeway and even on the local streets, as well as afraid to drive under the overpaths. I became over hypervigilant, in that I would carefully recon the over paths before driving under them. I tried to cognitively recondition my thoughts, by telling myself that I was home and in a safe environment. But was I? Honestly,
About the Author: Yolanda Jones is the author of "Scarred, but not Broken"; former Sergeant in the United States Army/Army Reserves and a Survivor of Domestic Violence. Ms. Jones is an Advocate and an Activist for Victims of Domestic Violence; Victims of Military Sexual Trauma, and Victims of Discrimination. Ms. Jones currently holds a High Red Belt in Tae Kwon Do; an Associate's and a Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice and a Master's Degree in Counseling and Development, upon which she obtained from Texas Woman's University. Ms. Jones Hobbies includes, reading motivational materials, meditation, yoga, listening to the sounds of serenity, as well as the intricate instruments used in diverse music. Ms. Jones passion is, her love for riding one with the Road on the back of a Harley Davidson. Ms. Jones is a Native New Yorker, although she currently resides in Texas.