Who would have thought, that trumpet, trombone, clarinet, banjo, piano, tuba, and drums would produce a noise anybody would find "attractive." Or, in Dixieland jargon, TASTY. Following the civil war, in New Orleans, marching band instruments became available, and what to do with them? Well, one idea, maybe pick up a few bucks, march and play on the way to the burial grounds with a corpse and family and friends, play a few tunes such as The Saints go Marching In, or Oh How He Did Ramble ...One problem surfaced, however, with this small marching band inspiration ... no bottom. The tuba player complained about his hernia truss, the piano was really tough to push down the street, especially those cobblestone streets, and a snare drum tapping away, you couldn't hear it, drowned out by the other instruments, and nobody had invented a strap for the banjo player and nobody could afford to hire two chair arrangers for when the parade came to a stop, a chair for the banjo and a chair for the tuba. The piano, however, was the real problem. Some of the best minds of the period attempted to figure out how to include a piano in a funeral parade, but nothing ever came of it. Dixieland tunes offer from time to time some really questionable lyrics ... and titles. Why? Because the funeral bands ended up in a house of ill-repute because that's where the piano resided. And the place had chairs, among other things. You don't have to be a musician, or have attended a jazz festival, or have ever dabbled in music, or have played in an orchestra or band, or the like, to recognize the satire and silly situations in Drooling Banjos (and all that jazz). Robert Scott McKinnon has played his banjo for sixty years. Pre banjo, he had a classical violin and piano background. He has had three musicals produced at the University and amateur theatre level. He has been through the banjo mania of Shakey's Pizza and the rise and fall of Dixieland festivals. The banjo, debatably, is America's only native instrument. Folk, Irish, country, popular, patriotic, Dixieland, sing-along ... it comes by many names, plectrum, claw-hammer, country, blue-grass, tenor. Banjo tunings, for instance, vary greatly. Types of banjos vary. McKinnon plays a plectrum tuned like a violin, although all four strings, G D A E, the G is pulled up an octave so that all strings are surrounding middle C on the piano ... in the style of a tenor. McKinnon's first story "The Sub," is based on a true event. McKinnon taught high school English, and one day, on a break, a music teacher's sub, a long-time friend, rushes out the band room, finds McKinnon on hall duty and gushes: "You would not believe what just happened to me ...